OPERATION Z

2010-09-16T10:13:00.003+08:00

eventful days in BJ...

last week was diarrhea week for my housemates and I and this week is just awfully itchy week...

never seen such vicious mosquitoes in my life before! my god. when i smacked the mozzie against the wall, it actually left a huge blood stain which i couldn't remove. and this is the first time i was woken up by mozzies in the middle of the night. nonstop buzzing in the ears, and the bites are just all over the place from head to toes. (they esp. love to sting the face) i woke up at 4pm last nigh to spam mopiko all over my limbs. then i light up the mosquito coil (which apparently isn't working well at all). but still, i hear mozzie/s buzzing near me, couldn't sleep. so i went to the living room's couch to lie down but i was so disturbed by the mozzies (and that the bites are effing itchy) i didn't slp at all. by 5, all my other housemates took turns to wake up. IT WAS THIS BAD. so we decided to all hide in the master bedroom, kill all the mozzies inside there and sleep tgt for one night. within 15 mins, we found 3 and killed 3. RAHH DAMN YOU MOZZIES FOR STEALING MY SLEEPING TIME AND FOR ALL THE BITES. D: GO BANG WALL AND DIE

i'm just hoping for peaceful days here in BJ. having to deal with such issues every day is just super tiring. who would have thought tt mosquitoes would be such a big issue?

2010-09-05T20:59:00.002+08:00

uploaded most of the photos i took onto fb today. photos of places i've been to with my housemates, the food we ate, the things we do and our pretty home and its estate.

i'm not coping as well as i hope i did. i feel exhausted of everything but it's only the starting. it's not time yet to say i'm tired but i really am. and there's no way i'm giving up.

there's so much other things i want to do and so many places i want to go, but time no enough ): have to study, do housework and make myself feel fitted in. i want to spend more time on my studies and really do well and make tcm become a natural part of me. but yet, i think it's a waste not to travel around BJ while I'm here. i need more time and i need a super on travel partner.

i think i've never had such a great emotional burden before. everyday, EVERYDAY, there's a part of me tearing up and making me feel awfully miserable. i know i should be counting my blessings that i have my dear friends with me and i know that they would be there for me if i need a shoulder to lean on. but it just doesn't feel the same. not like back in sg. i wonder if i'm the only one feeling this way. like in front of others, we always hehehaha but deep down it's just not alright.

hais ok i shall get back to my books. i'm getting rusty. 3 mths of not mugging and i totally lose it. time to pick up!

2010-08-29T23:38:00.002+08:00

went to 秀水街 aka silk street today.

bought many chiong branded goods :D felt like it was money well-spent. longchamp, ferragamo, kath kidston bags and abercrombie pullover. bargaining is a tiring affair. but the new bags and pouches definitely cheered me up!

i think my friends and i are getting better at bargaining over here and definitely better spoken chinese. hahah we totally can imitate their slang and it gets pretty fun.

tomorrow is first day of school at dong fang hospital. school starts at 8am everyday and ends at 430pm except on certain days ): DIE. and no eating in class, and have to wear jeans, covered shoes everyday. feel like i can do with more holidays first. hardly had a good long break since start of this year.

photo uploading is damn slow over here ): hv been trying to upload photos since 11pm but none are uploaded yet. irritated, think i'll try again tmr. anyway, i need to declare my love for skype. I LOVE SKYPING! haha. it makes me feel like i'm much closer to home than i thot.

i cannot stand how china people wear shoes into their homes. so dirty! like bringing all the germs from outside back home and sleeping with them. so damn weird.

last, i miss home a lot ): constantly feel tearable. i miss singapore and our lovely clean and safe and convenient environment. and of course many of you awesome people. please find time to skype me soon

2010-08-29T02:36:00.005+08:00

DA JIA HAO! from beijing :D finally feel more settled down. our house is finally clean, wireless is up.

so much to say... so freaking exhausted everyday. cleaning and more cleaning of the house, walking and more walking (their walking is seriously no joke) and non-stop bargaining when purchasing goods. and the food here is dislikable ): SOOOO oily and sickly salty! can't wait to start preparing our own food instead of eating out everyday. oh luckily we found an awesome 24 hours porridge restaurant for dinner today! (: not salty and oily. it's going to be my favourite here.

the apartment i'm staying in now is HUGE. considered a condo. so far, i like it because:

1. there's no insects that i'm really scared of

2. it feels rather homely due to the woody decor like what i have at home in singapore

3. relatively new and safe neighbourhood (so i heard)

4. damn cool lightings (despite the large amt of energy consumption)

5. huge toilet

6. owners are pretty nice and caring

some downsides:

1. mosquitoes breeeding ground or what?? my roommate has got really awful bites from them. huge and swollen. i have a few bites, small but doesn't seem to go away at all

2. dusty ): dont know where the dust comes from

3. too big (the living room can stay another 4 person)

4. started everything from scratch. buy furnitures, clean all the shit and dust (seriously, nv in my life have i seen so much dirt), buy household appliances and products

5. freaking long walk out of the condo area

6. no bamboo poles to hang laundries like in singapore! ):

i would have to say the living expenses here is considered low. but for the past one week, i have been spending so much $$ i'm having phobia of even opening my wallet. but well i'm glad we are settled down now. finally can spend one day (before sch starts) to go see see look look around beijing's "orchard".

traffic is crazy here. cars are honking all the time for unknown reasons, swerve into other lanes as and when they like and never ever trust the green man, cos cars still come your way, pedestrians have no right of way here.

public toilets are effing dirty and smelly! (friends and i dont even dare to drink too much water outside cos it's really troublesome) people spit like no one business.

oh one thing i like abt my neighbourhood is that there's many people who rear dogs! (: seriously many different sizes, breeds and types of dogs. feel like having one myself here. oh! and they sell baby rabbits (DAMN CUTE! so fluffy i want to die!!!) only at 15rmb! so damn awesome. too bad i cant have it ):

okay there's so many other things i want to say. but it's 3am now, and i think i need to sleep. i shall update short and random posts whenever i recall anything. photos will be up on facebook. school is starting coming monday and i think i can do with one more week's break! goodnight

2010-08-20T02:57:00.003+08:00

well, you couldn't be that man I adored
you dont't seem to know, or seem to care, what your heart is for,
i don't know him anymore...

Torn is such an earworm! Classsic favouritezz emo song.

This departure might be a good closure to the troublesome affairs of the heart. A good escapadeee

In less than 24hrs, i'll be on my way to a brand new life. It isn't entirely brand new, but different enough. Excited, scared, sad and happy. It's a mixture of so many feelings i dont even know how exactly i feel right now. one thing for sure, i'm gg to miss everyone here!! No matter how hard i try to convince myself to take it easy, i cant seem to do so. I think it's due to all the much love n concern i've gotten these past weeks from familes n friends. I'm reallly really v touched by all my dearests who took time out to hang out w me, who helped me in one way or another, who gave me advices, who prepared thoughtful gifts.. All you people are awesome-est!

While i'm away, please keep me updated of all the happenings here! Email me, msn me, fb me, tweet me, skype me! And i'll try to blog down as much coool things from bj as possible too. (if blogger isnt too accessible, i'll probably use livej?)

till the next time i blog, take care everybody!!

2010-07-19T17:30:00.003+08:00

Found this awesome website that give out free samples for comestics. (: Fr3b!
signed up as a member recently to get the Hada Labo Super Hyaluronic Acid Hydrating Lotion trial pack sample. it's supposed to be this really awesome moisturizer. 1 bottle sold every 4seconds in Japan. hmmmmmm..

hopefully it's really that good. i will v much need it for BJ. can imagine the dry weather sucking all the water out of me. haha.

they have samples for many other products as well. go take a look! anw, there's this referral system thing that works in this website. so please click on the picture below, if you are interested in getting free samples too! or click HERE.

2010-07-14T00:37:00.001+08:00

start and stop

we all should.

2010-07-13T23:28:00.002+08:00

I had many deja vu lately. So much so that it feels as if I'm stuck in this dimension where everything repeats itself endlessly in cycles. Things happened and I felt like I experience them before. Not just once, but many times; as if it had become a routine. Nothing changed. The same exact setting, the same scenario, the same me reacting exactly the same way as I did before even if it's wrong. One life after another and after another. All the same. Like I never learned my lessons, I remain stagnant at where I am and everyone else moved on. I can't seem to be able to break out of this cycle and there's nothing left in me to push me out of it. All I could do is this much and in this manner. Nothing more and nothing new or better. Stuck and yet lost.

I want to become a better person. I want to excel in the things I do. I want to gain wisdom and make improvements. But such changes require actions. Words put into actions. And actions are exactly what's missing right now. I have not taken any constructive moves in what seem to be a very long time. (probably too contented with my sucky life now? which I wonder why. or am i just taking things for granted?) It's time to remove that inertia and get the ass moving. This is the way it should be because in the end, even if life is an endless cycle itself, each cycle will be better. For every little improvement counts.

Given a chance to re-live your life to make it a better one, would you?

2010-07-11T15:15:00.002+08:00

Desire leaves us heartbroken; it wears us down. It can wreck your life.

But as tough as wanting something may be, the people who suffer the most, are those who don't know what they want.

And I don't know what I want

2010-07-11T01:23:00.005+08:00

我喜欢你的眼/看着我的眼/我喜欢你的脸/贴着我的脸/我喜欢你的手/牵着我的手/我喜欢你的口/吻着我的口/时间在改变/你不要改变/因为我很爱你/不想要你放弃爱情/友情这段得来不易/我爱你/真的是很爱你/所以想/就这样继续爱下去

I AM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS SONG! © © ©

I swear I will marry anyone who propose to me with this song. hahaha! well, at least at this moment.

2010-07-11T00:07:00.004+08:00

Driving makes me feel like I'm finally a grown-up. It was one of the few things that I really looked forward to when I was young. I used to love sitting in the driver's seat fiddling with the steering, gear, brakes and accelerator while waiting and doing nothing in the car. of course with the engine off, so basically everything's locked. I would ask my sister where she's heading and pretend to drive her to her destination while making stupid adult-like conversations. haha. This was probably all the way back in primary school? At that point of time, I felt that driving was the coolest thing ever. Now that I have gotten my license, it reminds me frequently that I am no longer that young and naive girl who thought that drivers are cool people; I have joined the cool league hahah

And I secretly have a thing for car keys. HAHAHA somehow, I always found it exhilarating just by holding them. I know this is weird but really! Last time, I would ask to hold the car key for my dad and I loved it especially when he allow me to stick the key into the ignition keyhole. Even now, when my dad places the car key in my palm, I will start grinning to myself like an idiot.

Nowadays, I'm the one driving when I go out together with my family during the weekends. The furthest I drove was from Ang Mo Kio to Tampines? Expressways are my favourite now. No traffic lights, wider lanes and I can drive sooo much faster. Driving makes me feel awesome (:

I can sense my dad's uneasiness when I drive. He still doesn't trust me in doing a good job on my own. There's lots of nagging and telling me what to do as I drive; I don't mind it at all but it makes me really stress and I will start worrying a lot. But I don't blame him. It's only natural for him to get paranoid since the zoom zoom is his and the safety of my family is in my hands. I can't wait for the day he allows me to drive alone on my own!

2010-06-28T23:51:00.003+08:00

i forgot grey's anatomy is this good. watched only 2 episodes today (from where i last stopped 2 years ago and surprisingly i still rmb the story!) and i was absolutely sucked in. there will be some catching up to do!

2010-06-25T19:45:00.007+08:00

Last weekend was TYA with BFFs at studio M.

Had great jap cuisine at Irodoshi restaurant, Riverside hotel and Marutama, Central.

Colourful shades that can double as hairbands.

Magnum Gold. Vodka. Koropok.

Wii-ed Mario Karts and Mario brothers.

sometimes, it's really not the venue or the activities that matter. you just have to be with the right company. doing the simplest thing together and spending time together is good enough. nothing more that I could ask for :D

iluuuuu

met a knight today. he was wearing a pair of red sneakers carrying a red umbrella. i didn't thank him enough. hopefully i'll be able to recognise him or his bright red shoes if we ever meet again.

2010-06-18T19:29:00.003+08:00

oh sidenote, there's so many movies that i want to catch! Karate Kid, Toy Story, The A Team, SATC2, Nightmare on Elm Street! rahhhh

AND AND AND... i'm looking forward to weekend off with BFFs! our TYA. super proud of it. haha egggcited :D

i thought i am super cool about tomorrow's morning event but butterflies are secretly hiding in my tummy. can't stop thinking about it. if only i can fast forward time so that i wouldn't have to wait at all. may tomorrow morning be a good start to an awesome weekend! RAHHHHH

2010-06-18T19:09:00.003+08:00

this patch of skin on the back of my left hand is acting up with slight erythema and it's peeling very very slightly but it's making me VERY paranoid. :/ hopefully it's just some allergy to the gloves that i always wear in lab or because i wash my hands too frequently. better not be some viral infection due to exposure in the lab. ewww... HPV? NOOOO

it shall be my final try tomorrow... I don't want to go back there anymore. I need all the luck!

2010-06-16T00:09:00.003+08:00

NEW FAVOURITE! :D

完美不完美 - 石康军

生命是一块铁沸腾才能刻写

明天的我是不朽或浮生一瞥

人体内六公升血一颗颗都如酒浓烈

为爱疯狂没醉过的人不了解

哪怕偶尔得转换起点

哪怕选手缺少优先权没得选

我将犹豫都甩开

将目光都锁在同一个终点

前方越多的风险冒险越容易领先

我要我是谁就算梦未遂

也不让现实这土匪

把理想都盗走到老才数着後悔

感动是纤维纺织後成为一张被

你将我包围你的爱没白给

虽然我并不完美我并不完美

心意坚定如铁故事我自己写

你别看我安静但内心很狂野

我体内所有的血一分钟都不肯停歇

所谓疯狂是不管他人的误解

哪怕偶尔得转换起点

哪怕选手缺少优先权没得选

我将犹豫都甩开

将目光都锁在同一个终点

前方越多的风险冒险越容易领先

我要我是谁就算梦未遂

也不让现实这土匪

把理想都盗走到老才数着後悔

感动是纤维纺织後成为一张被

你将我包围你的爱没白给

虽然我并不完美虽然我不完美

I’ll be somebody someday

我要我是谁就算梦未遂

也不让现实这土匪

把理想都盗走到老才数着後悔

感动是纤维纺织後成为一张被

你将我包围你的爱没白给

虽然我并不完美

感动是纤维纺织後成为一张被

你将我包围你的爱没白给

虽然我并不完美因为我不完美

才会是独特的谁

2010-06-13T16:05:00.002+08:00

HAHAHA my cute sister and mum in Shanghai ((:

They are there for the Expo. Have been skyping with them the past few days. Skype can be pretty fun! My dad and I tried to celebrate my sister's birthday by lighting a candle for her over Skype. I'm sure she was nearly touched to tears, just holding it all in. hahaha. Okay, I have to confess that it's my first time skyping. haha never had the need to skype before now. I'm quite impressed with the program, definitely help to save on phone calls too. Anw, I'll have to get used to this really soon. It's going to help me keep in touch with everyone here while I'm gone. Please get a skype account dear friends who do not have an account yet! Add me at opzeee.

Did a whole morning and afternoon of housework. Now I know why my mum is constantly pissed off. Housework is just never ending, tiring and boring. But it does feel good to see the house spick and span after all the cleaning.

Can't bring myself to start on my thesis writing but I know I should. Sighhhhhh

2010-06-07T23:28:00.002+08:00

I closed my eyes and let out a scream so loud it took every ounce of strength I had. But it never left my body. It reverberated soundlessly inside, tearing through me, shutting down my heart. Everything inside my head turned white for a moment as the scream penetrated my every cell. Something inside me died. Something melted away, leaving only a shuddering vacuum. An explosive flash incinerated everything my existence depended on.

- Haruki Murakami

Powerful words.

This is probably what it feels like when you keep everything to yourself. One day you will explode and your tiny shell can only contain all the destruction and no one will know about it.

Strangely, I could almost feel it inside me when I read it.

I love Murakami's books because they make me think hard. It's pretty much challenging for me to decipher his hidden meanings in between.

2010-06-06T23:24:00.002+08:00

I don't know you

But I want you

All the more for that

Words fall through me

And always fool me

And I can't react

And games that never amount

To more than they're meant

Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home

We've still got time

Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice

You'll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me

And I can't go back

Moods that take me and erase me

And I'm painted black

You have suffered enough

And warred with yourself

It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home

We've still got time

Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice

You've made it now

Falling slowly sing your melody

I'll sing along

So once again in love with this song!

2010-05-28T01:51:00.003+08:00

Awesome people give me free facelift all the time how can I not love them!

you know I'm amazed by how some people can put a smile on my face so effortlessly. I mean a really sincere smile, deep from the heart. not the stingy hi-bye smile. these people who are always able to do so... I LOVE YOUUs (:

sometimes I wonder if I had ever done anything that made a person really feel happiness oozing out of them from within. be it as a friend/sister/daughter/cousin/passerby etc etc. have I done enough to be able to truly bring joy to others around me? esp. to those who have been kind to me in one way or another. I sure hope I did if not I should probably jump off from the helix bridge and be buried under the water together with whatever unworthy memories of what others have of me.

if you ever really meet anyone who can plaster a smile on your face all the time, treasure them because they are really hard to come by

2010-05-25T13:01:00.001+08:00

AWESOMEEE

2010-05-24T22:48:00.003+08:00

BFFs, travelled halfway round Singapore in a Honda Jazz, Hatched, International Museum Day, MINT museum of toys (:

there's so much to say but I'm lazy.. haha this entry shall be short.

no need to go back to SGH tmr. HAPPPPY (:

2010-05-20T20:05:00.001+08:00

I HAVE A BLISTER ON MY THUMB NO JOKE

2010-05-19T20:52:00.003+08:00

I need magic in my fingertip, esp. my thumbs!! RAHHH I'm having problems with the pipettes. No matter how hard I try, I just cannot eject the pipette tips with my left thumb alone. I can only do so with the help of my right thumb. And it's only me who's like this! Others in the lab can do it with one thumb effortlessly. Super loser-ish lah. I'm ashamed of my weak thumb. I pipette so much nowadays, my left thumb trembles each time I finish one round of my work. No exaggeration, really. My labmate suggested that I should sms more with my thumbs, train up. I'm seriously aiming to become a champion in the thumb pepsi-cola-123 game by the end of this period working in the lab. hahahah

Watched kick-ass last night. VERY VERY VERY GOOOD :D I LOVE it! Haven watched a movie this good for a long time. It really has everything in one. It is action-packed enough to keep me engaged throughout the show and the humour is my favouritezzz! Super funny and entertaining. There are also really cool and not-seen-before weapons used by the 'superheroes'. Plus, it ain't just a stupid movie, there are lessons to be learnt and meaningful messages behind it. MUST WATCH! You don't have to like superheroes to watch it. It is pretty real-life in someways. haha but it's not showing in the theatres anymore. so download!

2010-05-16T19:02:00.004+08:00

Why does it always rain on me...

when i wanna cycle at ECP! rahhhhhh

Went ECP to cycle with sister and cousins after lunch. It rained so hard we only cycled for last than an hour ): I am so going to try it again next weekend! But anw, I'm loving the weather now, good to nua at home and do nothing. Or read a book, watch a movie, enjoy a cup of choya - enjoy life.

Woke up all of a sudden at an ungodly hour, 0430, this morning. Quite pissed cos it took me a long while to fall back asleep. Too much on my mind, I suppose. Sigh, and it's not something I should even spend so much time pondering on. And so I woke up late this morning. Nothing wrong with that actually, but I just prefer to wake up early. It makes me feel like I have more time to accomplish more things and probably more time to waste as well haha.

Going back to work tomorrow, hopefully I'll be less flustered when dealing with all the tiny tubes and sophisticated machines. Wish me lucks and all my darlings out there in other labs too

2010-05-15T23:57:00.002+08:00

There's only one thing to do
Three words for you I love you
There's only one way to say
Those three words and that's what I'll do, I love you

2010-05-13T22:51:00.006+08:00

I'm tired of reading my HPV articles and I found these!

The shower head is stuck right up the ceiling! It's like bathing in the rain? And i guess the water goes right through the wooden flooring? I like. from here.

I like the checkered walls! (: not so much of the floor tho. makes me kinda dizzy. from here.

There are so many books the owner can arrange them according to their colours! I think that's mainly what attracted me but anyway I like pure white rooms like this. It feels clean and spacious (: from here.

Last but not least... these shelves!!! Love them! So DIY and save-the-earth and they are colourful (: coool much? from here.

I'm in a DIY mood.

2010-05-13T18:58:00.002+08:00

I AM SO LUCKY (:

I shall count my blessings and stop complaining about my FYP. omg my trainers are how nice can; compared to my classmate who's also in the same lab but under another supervisor. TYVVVVVM to all up there who granted my wishes! thankyou thankyou thankyou!

Finally I'm seeing some light as to what my project is about. I was given protocols, journals, notes and whats not regarding my project and the instruments that I'll be using. All these are suppose to help me understand my project better and I think they really do! (secret yay!) My trainers even went through presentation slides to brief me on the basics and rationale behind the experiment. And although I performed like a clumsy shit, they still guided me with patience and kindness. I was seriously touched I wanted to cry. hahah. Even my fellow labmate kept reiterating about how jealous she is. Her supervisor really sucks. Super rude and impatient and demanding. And probably because she's a tiong and insist on speaking english that I cannot really understand, I become bias against her. Oh man, I feel sad and uber stress for fellow labmate.

Anyway, it's really very different when you have to do everything on your own. While observing others doing their work, I kept thinking to myself that I shouldn't have problems doing it on my own but I AM SOOOO WRONG. So so so wrong! There are so many small details that I have overlooked and nothing seems to make sense when you are doing it on your own. Plus, there are so many steps in my protocol and the machines I'll be using are madddd expensive and way too high-tech for me. I'm actually very overwhelmed and stressss. What if I spoil the machine??? What if I destroy or topple the patient's sample??? I'm sure I'll become more than a piece of DEAD rotting meat. This makes me realise the importance of being meticulous, extremely careful and sure of yourself when you work in the lab. If in doubt, never proceed with the work and ask for help!

But well, I shall sustain my positivity for now! (hopefully for the next 3 mths as well?) (: Not that I'm now all into research and lab work; just that I'm starting to appreciate what's going on. It feels good to know what you are really dealing with in the lab for once. I'm praying that I can grasp the concepts well and improve on my lab skills soon so that I can start conducting the experiment on my own.

BTW, my feet are hurting bad ): Long hours of standing and only covered shoes are allowed in lab. My feet just couldn't breathe. I should really invest in a comfy pair of shoes. Weekend shopping!

2010-05-10T23:36:00.002+08:00

I'm so freaking weak and unfit. goodness I'm tired just from walking home from AMK. it took me roughly half an hour. it's not like I ran or quick walk or what, but i feel like shit now. GAHHHH lousy

anw I'm glad I somehow survived this horrible semester but i dread getting back my results which will be out like in less than 2 weeks D: anyhows, schooling in NTU is now officially over for me! hooooorays and many 3 cheers!!!

for now, I'm gonna get real busy with my FYP which has to be completed within 3 months before leaving for BJ. I started my first day of FYP in SGH today. the supervisor gave me a so-called orientation period until wednesday. god i seriously nearly died of boredom today and I felt totally out of place and a big hindrance to the staffs in the lab. so many people in a small lab. luckily I'm on leave tmr. one less day of torture. sighhh and where's my holidays?? i'm so jealous of all my friends going on holiday trips. JEALOUSSS. GIVE ME MY HOLIDAY ):

met up with old friend last saturday and we had some pretty good HTHT. really happy just to be with her (: and yes, the things we talked abt really got me thinking and I realised I've never been very honest with myself when it comes to relationships. all kinds of relationships I mean. a lot of times, I tend to hide my true feelings in fear that I might hurt the other parties. I don't show my dislike, I don't show my discontent. even though I feel that I might be better off without these people in my life, I always choose to keep them, accept them, holding on to any last lil connections between us, thinking that there might still be something worthwhile. but more usual than not, they nv fail to disappoint me again and again. still, I bury all my negativities and let them slowly disintegrate.

is this good or bad? not being honest with myself; is like not being entirely honest with the other parties as well. being honest can probably allow improvements and that I don't have to swallow everything down on my own. or it can just destroy everything that has been done to build up the relationship. it's a make or break.

alrights, enough of confusing thoughts that i'm not even sure what i'm rabbling about.

had a great time with BFFs at KTV today. kbox's new interface is no good. our next one shall be back at tendollarclub agn. touch screen! oh and we met up on last sat night too! (: it's great to be seeing them so often. MEET UP MORE MY DEARSSS

p.s. I still need a movie

oh and I need to say this before I end my entry, please watch "Lie to Me" or "The Big Bang Theory" or "How I Met Your Mother". they are just awesomeeee ((:

2010-05-03T01:40:00.000+08:00

from here

how I hope I can tell myself this

2010-05-02T02:02:00.001+08:00

why is everything so confusing
maybe i'm just out of my mind

How I Met Your Mother - Suits the Musical

2010-04-15T22:19:00.001+08:00

FAVOURITEEE <3

2010-04-14T20:55:00.000+08:00

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

2010-04-07T23:13:00.004+08:00

micro pigs! they are just the size of a tea cup and at most 14inch tall.

although dogs are still my favourite, this will do as well (:

I WANT.

read article here

(note to dear friend that there's a photo of meow in the link)

i shld probably consider starting an animal farm next time hahah

2010-03-31T22:12:00.003+08:00

WHY WHY WHY

i don't get it. whoever you are, please don't play a prank on me. it's too big a risk. TOO BIG.

i feel my heart collapsing

): i'm going to die from anxiety very soon. goodbye world

2010-03-25T22:23:00.004+08:00

i wish to go back to this very night

his serenades would be able to numb me from the reality that i very much want to escape from. i don't need the extravagant stage, fancy costumes and cheesy dance moves. simply a piano and his strong powerful voice is all i need. XJT!

a download on your mac, sushi and just you and me.

nothing more, nothing less; and it could have been perfect.

2010-03-24T19:56:00.002+08:00

I'LL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES...
or will I not.

why does something so simple has to be made complicated? I really don't see the point and never will.

2010-03-19T21:42:00.002+08:00

WARNING: This entry is going to be full of vulgarities...
I need to rant.

I hate the fucking school and their fucking rigid and unfair system.
Fuck those people who know nothing about TCM and yet make awful comments about it.

Worst week that I could ever have had and it fucking won't get any better soon. I fucking hate everything that's going on right now and I hope everything in my way will just fuck off and stop getting on my nerve.

FUCK D:

ok I think I'm feeling a lil better

2010-03-17T17:52:00.000+08:00

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME GET WHAT I WANT THIS TIME

2010-03-05T23:15:00.002+08:00

何维健 - 变化

海变成陆地
快乐的能变成悲剧
那么爱会不会变成了麻痹
沙变成天梯
丑陋的能变成美丽
那么你会不会变成我的仇敌

我不是挑剔可怕的变局
随时都在背后偷袭

时间会把我把你都变成了灰烬
从勇气变距离
没有人能够保证永远一起

时间会把我把你都变成了回忆
那时候有没有
一个不会为时间而变化的你

海变成陆地
快乐的能变成悲剧
那么爱会不会变成了麻痹
沙变成天梯
丑陋的能变成美丽
那么你会不会变成我的仇敌

我不是挑剔可怕的变局
随时都在背后偷袭

时间会把我把你都变成了灰烬
从勇气变距离
没有人能够保证永远在一起

时间会把我把你都变成了回忆
那时候有没有
一个不会为时间而变化的你

分开追逐著相聚辛酸渴望著甜蜜
我们都是一样穷得只剩下空虚
我买不起我不确定
绝望谷底有没有奇迹

时间会把我把你都变成了灰烬
从勇气变距离
不变的幸福只是一种距离

时间会把我把你都变成了回忆
那时候有没有
一个是你爱我我爱你最完美的结局
还是我变成了你最想忘记的回忆

OMGGG LOVE THISSSS! <3

2010-02-28T10:58:00.000+08:00

please stay strong.

2010-02-25T20:33:00.007+08:00

Dreams are amazing. I had many intriguing and weird dreams in the past week. Most of them are totally unexpected and out of the world. I dreamt of people and things that aren't really within my scope of concern and also events that never seem possible; in my lifetime at least. Anyway, I told some of my girlfriends (who are also pretty into dreaming haha) and YJpng reminded me that there's a website where I can check out if my dreams do mean anything at all. And so i was bored just now and did a quick check on the meanings of some of them - here they are!

Swimming
To dream that you are swimming, suggests that you are exploring aspects of your unconscious mind and emotions. The dream may be a sign that you are seeking some sort of emotional support. It is a common dream image for people going through therapy.

Braces
To dream that you have braces, indicates that you should not be so quick to criticize. You should stop talking too much and listen to what others have to say. It may also indicate your brashness. The dream may also be a pun on "brace yourself"

Heartbeat
To hear a heartbeat in your dream, suggests that you are not confronting or recognizing your feelings. You need to approach thing head-on. Alternatively, a heartbeat may symbolize life or fear. You may be feeling threatened.

Naked
To dream that you are naked, denotes the fear of being found out and exposed about your activities and misjudgment.

Mall
To dream that you are at the mall, represents your attempts in making a favorable impression on someone. The mall is also symbolic of materialism and the need to keep up with the trends, fads, and/or the latest technology.

Shopping
To dream that you are shopping, indicates your needs and desires. It also represents opportunities that you come across in life. Consider what you are shopping for and what needs you are trying to fulfill. In particular, to dream that you are shopping for food and groceries, signifies your hidden attempt to buy the attention of others.
To dream that you cannot find what you are shopping for, suggests that you are trying to find a solution to some life problem.

All of the above are from HERE.

I actually do believe in these stuffs to a certain extent. I don't know how true they are but better to believe than not? Anyway, after reading them, I realise I do need to do some serious reflections since I found quite a number of truths amongst these interpretations. I guess my subconscious self is trying to remind me many things my conscious self have overlooked.

Don't trade us for tea and sympathy

2010-02-16T23:34:00.002+08:00

dry swimming with beloved drinking jolly shandy lychee and with chill music playing in the background - THIS IS LIFE (: i don't want to go back school tmr. more celebrations please!

2010-02-12T23:58:00.002+08:00

Though it's only the beginning of the year, I can already say this;

FAVOURITE PHRASE OF THE YEAR: dari skinny!

or least it's definitely going to be one of them. HAHAHAH

craving for movies movies movies

2010-02-12T10:36:00.003+08:00

must there be a reason behind everything we do?

can we not just do something for no real reasons... like just do it on an impulse, for fun, based on an instinct, for how we just feel that it should be done without any particular reason why.

no ulterior motives and no need for long grandmother explanations behind it.

我要　看到你在远方大声呼喊着我

2010-02-04T22:30:00.007+08:00

终于
努力等著你
我很小心偷偷待在你世界里
你不会知道的
某一些夜里
偶而你会提起埋在你心里的过去
我在听又爱听又怕听
你从前那些名字真的很美丽
我相信有一天你会说
这一切还好有我陪你走下去
从前你没注意

努力爱著你
打定主意也许我是你另一场记忆
别忘记写一封求救信
你知道收信的人永远都是我
别灰心我只想告诉你
时间会还给你被抢走的爱情
这世界很公平

终于等到了你说爱你
终于看到了我
终于听到了我说爱你
你终于听到了

One of my favourite oldies of Stef Sun. This song was recorded in her first album. (can't believe it has already been 10 years!) And till today, I still wonder why there wasn't a MV for this song.

默默守护的爱情有时就是这么美丽。

2010-01-31T17:55:00.006+08:00

A new member to the family - Nikon D5000

How good is it to have an archi undergrad living under the same roof (:

I was ecstatic to see it when I woke up this morning. hoho can't wait to test it out!

I've been so distracted these days by god-knows-what that I'm not even worrying much for my upcoming test despite the fact that I'll most probably end up not being able to complete my revision. I'm appalled; at the same time ashamed of my behaviour and attitude.

Someone, slap me. hard.

Anyway, please visit BURBERRY and check out Emma Watson in the new Spring/Summer 2010 collection. She's GORGEOUS! (and the male models as well hehe) Although I very much prefer the shots taken in the Autumn/Winter 2009 campaign, the new ones are good as well. Oh and I love the songs in the background of the website (:

Damn I'm so easily distracted by lil things like this!

Okay now I know. I should not open my google chrome.

2010-01-24T10:55:00.003+08:00

O M G
萧敬腾洛克先生 Mr. Rock 新加坡演唱会!!!!

13 March 2010!

dearest jp was right after all. ilu babe. would have missed it if not for you (:

just nice my exam and mid-term test should be nearly over by then. it's fated for me to go hahah

2010-01-22T22:48:00.001+08:00

the thought of FYP drains my soul and wears me down ):

2010-01-19T19:03:00.002+08:00

"Sophie had never thought about this before. But the more she did, the more clearly she saw that knowing what you don't know is also a kind of knowledge. The stupidest thing she knew was for people to act like they knew all about things they knew absolutely nothing about."

-Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder

how so very true

2010-01-18T21:41:00.005+08:00

i started a tumblr!

(proofs the point of how really bored i am)

let me know if you have one!

so that i can follow. (:

2010-01-18T21:33:00.001+08:00

THE LAW OF LEAST EFFORT

This law is based on the fact that nature’s intelligence functions with effortless ease and abandoned carefreeness. This is the principle of least action, of no resistance. This is, therefore, the principle of harmony and love. When we learn this lesson from nature, we easily fulfill our desires. In Vedic Science, the age-old philosophy of India, this principle is known as the principle of economy of effort, or “do less and accomplish more.” Ultimately, you come to the state where you do nothing and accomplish everything. This means that there is just a faint idea, and then the manifestation of the idea comes about effortlessly. What is commonly called a “miracle” is actually an expression of the Law of Least Effort. Least effort is expended when your actions are motivated by love, because nature is held together by the energy of love. When you seek power and control over other people, you waste energy. When you seek money or power for the sake of the ego, you spend energy chasing the illusion of happiness instead of enjoying happiness in the moment. When your actions are motivated by love, your energy multiplies and accumulates–and the surplus energy you gather and enjoy can be channeled to create anything that you want, including unlimited wealth. There are three components to the Law of Least Effort–three things you can do to put this principle of “do less and accomplish more” into action. The first component is acceptance. Acceptance simply means that you make a commitment: “Today I will accept people, situations, circumstances and events as they occur.” This means I will know that this moment is as it should be, because the whole universe is as it should be. The second component is responsibility. This means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself. This allows you the ability to have a creative response to the situation as it is now. All problems contain the seeds of opportunity, and this awareness allows you to take the moment and transform it to a better situation or thing. The third component to the Law of Least Effort is defenselessness. This means that you have relinquished the need to convince or persuade others of your point of view. If you relinquish this need you will in that relinquishment gain access to enormous amounts of energy that have been previously wasted.

good stuff.

from here.

2010-01-17T15:32:00.002+08:00

Here's a summary of my week...

I had a really boring time in school during lessons

I risked my life so that I could use enter this really posh gym

kidding! All I really did was sneaked in

I went swimming in the day despite fear of the vicious and harmful rays from the sun that will destroy your skin :/

Caught It's Complicated

Played wii sports and monopoly deal

Went to the Body Worlds Exhibition at Science Centre

Somehow it ain't as fascinating and interesting as when I first saw it years ago during my secondary school days

Had Swensens and Ichiban Boshi - FAT. period

Found a new aim in life: to be a cool blue, healthy centenarian

Sigh, although I've done so much within a week, I still feel as if something is missing; something isn't in place and just incomplete. Part of me just don't like it. I guess it's just how I look at things. All these could have been part of a great and interesting week if I went through them with less this-is-just-how-life-is attitude. Or maybe it's just the start of school blues.

I'm looking forward to a better week of school! (trying to be positive here)

The answer to your question was... you.

2010-01-11T21:19:00.003+08:00

First day at school and I actually fell asleep in class. The new lao shi from BJ was boring. Never felt so bored on the first lesson of the semester. Couldn't really understand what he was driving at. And the class is getting smaller. More dropping out of the TCM course. For a while, it felt like there was a conspiracy going on. Like there's smth bad in our field that's going to happen that my friends and I don't know about.

It's truly dumb how I always choose to put more trust in a person than I should when I already know that I shouldn't.

So so sooo in love with How I Met Your Mother. Never fail to make me laugh. Ted-out (:

2010-01-08T22:49:00.004+08:00

an awesome end to my holidays (:

thankyou to you, you and yous!

(you know who you are)

how surprisingly nice to have you just by my side;

there's no need for words

2010-01-01T15:12:00.002+08:00

Abraaazzzoooo
Originally uploaded by Alexia´s

HAPPY 2010 EVERYBODYYY

:D

here's a hug to all my dearest out there (:

may this new year be filled with more smiles, more love, more joy and more YEAs and woohoos... for all of us!

2009-12-26T00:20:00.003+08:00

had a really awesome day (:

a christmas party at my grandma's. more like a gathering but party just makes it sound fancier and hmm more fun. haha. prepared lots of food with my cuzzz (way way way too much in fact) and had a pretty fun time taking photos of my nieces. drank choya again and found new loves in tostitos and cream cheese with thai chilli. seriously it's an amazing combination. it's a must try!

leaving for a day trip to malacca with my extended family in abt 5 hrs time. 14 of us? and there will be more sinful food! so going to gain weight la. and to think that i'll be having another party on sunday and leaving for KL on monday again. oh wells. whatever. as long as i am or will be having fun (:

finally... i feel like i'm actually doing something substantial for holiday. YEA

2009-12-24T01:22:00.002+08:00

lying on my bed blogging from my n97 while listening to N&N's Infinite Playlist OST. somehow i cant seem to fall aslp. feeling very empty and bored.

Watched avatar yesterday, bodyguards and assassins today. Both in the same cinema theatre. And more movies to catch before sch starts!!! (:

made sushi for my deareast friends today. They gave me v kind compliments. I could hv done better. Went chomp chomp for dinner. Haven been there in a long while. Caught up with my lao peng yous and ate alot of sinful but yummy food. Oh and met a jc classmate i haven seen in a long while.

Christmas is approachinggg

2009-12-21T00:18:00.003+08:00

some photos to conclude my day (:

if only you knew how hard this is for me too

2009-12-15T22:14:00.002+08:00

attended resume writing and interview skills workshops and i think the only thing i got out of it is... nothing beats just being yourself. i seriously didn't really like what was taught. too hard-sell for me.

2009-12-10T21:46:00.003+08:00

My house is becoming a pet-sitting station.

Today my cousin left her hamsters at my house so that I can help her feed them while she's away on holiday. yangyang was so amazed by the hamsters. it's hilarious looking at him walking around the hamster cages and getting all excited at every small movements the hamsters make.

he can't stop staring at the hamsters. hahah. i guess he found some new friends!

2009-12-08T21:16:00.002+08:00

Yangyang has been keeping me very busy the past few days. But still, it's fun having him around.

Sometimes he behaves just like a baby wanting us to sayang him. He will throw tantrums when he thinks that we are going to force him to do something he doesn't like. Or simply go crazy, running around the house in hope that we'll play catching with him. And he will pretend to not eat his food so that we'll end up feeding him. While some other times, he's like an old man lazing around ignoring us how ever hard we try to disturb him. Peeing everywhere as if he lose his bladder control. He's a big time glutton too. My dad accidentally dropped a mini fish head on the floor during dinner and he dashed really quickly towards it, gobbled it down before I can stop him.

I like the way he sticks to me. I like the sound of his "pawsteps" when he runs in my rooms. I like the way he lies on the ground to sleep. I like the way he stands up to scratch my lap when I'm sitting on the sofa so as to ask me to carry him up. I like it when he tilts his head to look at me when I mention something that sounds interesting to him. I like the way the he lies on his back so that i can give him a "tummy" rub. (actually I think it might be a chest rub) I like to see him curl up in his bed beside mine every night before I go to sleep. The list is simply endless. A good summary - I love this silly boy. (:

Besides looking after yangyang, I've been attending my driving lessons nearly everyday. I'm pretty bad with my turns.. esp. sharp ones. I will either go out of lane or mount curb. hahaha. Hopefully I can master the skill of turning soon! Oh and I tend to forget simple traffic rules and lane discipline which I really don't understand why. Too nervous?

I'm looking forward to a 'green' christmas and the KL trip with bizzy friends. (: (: (:

YEA!

2009-12-04T17:53:00.001+08:00

YEA :D

2009-11-30T18:08:00.003+08:00

:D

I had my last paper of the semester this morning... which indicates the start of my holidays!
no time to waste. there's so many things i want to do.

Anyway, i really really love these. Her illustrations are just beautiful. I love the colours she uses, it just makes me happy to look at them. I've been using her paintings as my desktop wallpaper for sometime now and decided that it's time to share these wonderful work. Enjoy!

2009-11-26T22:50:00.002+08:00

OMG. my next sem's timetable is out and it's like WTF. seriously. W T F

they don't even want to let us enjoy our last semester in school ):

now i urgently need to help Adam get a new tutor. sighh

2009-11-24T01:03:00.002+08:00

loveee XJT (:

If only I can have him sing to me everyday. face to face.

That's why I am actually quite particular about the singing ability of my the other half. hahaha. imagine him serenade to me everyday. I'm sure to love him foreverzzzzz

I have been pretty slack these few days and I'm feeling really guilty about it :/ buck up buck up!

2009-11-20T12:01:00.003+08:00

studying at SMU with my bizzy friends now.

i think they are all very hardworking and focus. haha i'm like very distracted compared to them.

and i just found out that there's so many new albums worth listening!

- Leona Lewis, Echo

- Lady Gaga, Bad Romance (single)

- 萧敬腾, 爱的时刻自选集

- 梁文音，爱一直都在

- Adam Lambert, For Your Entertainment

yeah i'm in good spirit

2009-11-20T00:23:00.003+08:00

Have fun even without us. hahah we'll make it up for you soon!

LOVE YOUUU

2009-11-19T22:05:00.002+08:00

IT'S OVER!

and it feels like holiday has started. yea. but no, still have to work hard for the next 2 papers. i will really need them to pull my gpa up. if possible.

met up with dearest BFF LJY and LJP at Ion. finally had a real good satisfying meal. like my appetite is back! (: but feeling so so bloated now i feel like throwing up. we were talking about holiday plans and about getting out of here. really looking forward to it!

so freaking exhausted. feel like sleeping but i need to endure till 12! for someone dear and so i must. hee

Lego Sushi

2009-11-18T08:54:00.002+08:00

02
Originally uploaded by "Big Daddy" Nelson

great work. there's even wasabi!

2009-11-18T08:19:00.002+08:00

feeling a lot better when i woke up this morning. made myself sleep early last night despite the fact that i didn't complete the amt of revision i wanted to do.

i think i haven been eating enough. and it's partly the reason behind my moodiness. but the thing is i feel hungry yet i can't seem to swallow whatever i put into my mouth. like the moment i put the food into my mouth, i feel like throwing up. usually, i only lose my appetite during exam period but this time round is the worst. no appetite at all. i have been thinking why other times when i'm stressed i'll choose to binge on junk food but not now.. and i realised different kinds of stress will result in different kinds of effects. like right now, it's the short-of-time kind of stress and i think subconsciously, my mind regards eating as a waste of time and all i should do is make full use of my time. whereas, other forms of stress like when all i can do is think and wait and do nothing about it kind of stress, i will start feeding myself. haha what crap

ok i just wanted to relieve some stress over here. like type non-stop without having the need to be coherent and without any organisation of my thoughts. never felt such a strong need to rant before. hahah anyway, i just have to endure for another 24hours plus plus and everything will be over. endure endure endureeeee

2009-11-17T22:20:00.003+08:00

NOTE: this is a truly stupid piece of entry.

i neeed to rant. dammit. i'm so damn freaking tired. but i have so much more to go before my paper on thurs. there's so much to memorise and yet i just don't seem to be able to do rmb my stuff well. i'm worried abt not being able to complete my revision in time but all i feel like doing now is to take a good long break but i can't. and i really want to scold vulgarities. (shit when did i become so crude) i'm very very extremely demoralised like i can never do well for modules like these. and also very angry and disappointed with myself for being so incompetent. and i hate mugging for exams. truly despise mugging. i lose my appetite and whatever i eat taste horrible and any other things that i try to engage myself in makes me feel guilty. like now when i'm typing this entry. sighhhhhhh end of rant. why am i not feeling any better?

i need to get rid of all my negative thoughts but it's so hard.

thursday's paper is totally dreadful but yet i can't wait to get it over and done with. and after which i can meet my so-long-no-see BFFs. miss them alotsssss

2009-11-14T23:57:00.002+08:00

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak
I understand why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

One of my all time favourite, Run by Snow Patrol.

2009-11-13T09:41:00.002+08:00

Love these! and love post-it notes (:

Yesterday was the last day of school which also indicates the start of the endless torture before December comes. T-T

But yes, "Enjoy the journey as much as the destination."

I shall be positive. Why torture myself? I WILL revise my work happily and with zest!

2009-11-11T19:22:00.002+08:00

If you are wondering why I renamed my blog as Operation Z... Please be rest assured that I'm not planning an attack on Pearl Harbour or any other places. -.- No bombs, no terrorism, no wars. I'm definitely an advocate of peace and love.

It's just me and my mundane and boring daily operations in life.

Any guesses why I chose Operation Z? It should be quite easy (:

Extremely pissed of with my school right now. Vulgarities are like spilling out anytime

2009-11-11T18:14:00.002+08:00

now departed
Originally uploaded by ღMayuღ

I want to go far far away.
Need a good escape.

2009-11-10T01:00:00.003+08:00

the cold caffeine, the hot tom yum, the alcohol, the melancholy and the hi-tec 04.
the i-can-die-from-freezing, the longhair-vs-shorthair, the staring game, the mushrooms-vs-choya.
the forever-stuck-at-chapters-way-before-my-target, the adrenaline rush, the distractions and the need to keep up with my goals.

i found myself an exit. and i hope it's the right one.

oh my mum actually asked me if i have a blog and she sounded like she wants to read it. i contemplated for a while before telling her i have one. i guess there's nuth i need to hide from her so i will give her my blog address if she wants. but i also told her that there's nuth much like no recipes, no cooking tips, no grandmother stories (she has this misconception that everyone that keeps a blog will post useful information)

so if you are reading this mummy, hello! welcome to a different side of my world (:

2009-11-03T18:30:00.002+08:00

saw an interesting article today.. Privacy.

i cannot imagine a life without privacy. having everyone know the moves i make and every other details about me. there will be no more fun in having to make guesses or the thrill of knowing smth secretive. i still prefer to keep things private. things that are meant to be private shld remain as so.

2009-11-02T16:45:00.007+08:00

my slackest weekend ever!

caught 3 movies at home and slept alot alot. also went Chijmes for their "Jazz talking" performance. a good recharge. (:

My favourite of the three movies will be Love Actually! It gets you into the whole Christmas mood. The song "All I want for Christmas is you.." kept replaying in my head. think i can watch this again when christmas is nearing. love the great cast and British accent!

And then there's Little Miss Sunshine. Very interesting and cute movie. Everything and everyone is screwed up but very lovable characters. esp. the Volkswagen T2 Microbus!

"Are you the exception... or are you the rule?" he's just not that into you is an insightful movie. love the cast as well.

click on the photos on top for links to trailers and the official webpages.

so anw, it's time to chiong for exams... JIAYOU everybody!

looking forward to Christmas alr! hahah

2009-10-30T18:18:00.002+08:00

I've just had the sweetest dream I ever had in my whole life (:

I totally melted and didn't want to wake up. Sighhh. But my decision to take a good nap was worth it after all.

Whoever you are and wherever you are, I hope to meet you soon!

Had an awfully good lunch with YJ!

Watami and Marvelous Cream.

Berry Berry Creme Brulee, Salmon Sashimi, Gratin and Yuzu Soda.

The best treat i could have given myself after this whole week of torture and slow death.

2009-10-29T15:58:00.003+08:00

Running ahead of oneself
Originally uploaded by orangeacid

a pair of good shoes can walk you a long way

2009-10-19T21:33:00.008+08:00

love this advertisement!

credits to Cali! (:

2009-10-14T22:50:00.001+08:00

2009-10-11T18:09:00.003+08:00

what to do what to do what to do what to do what to do
):

superultra depressed and hopeless after chatting with bellie.
feel like an emoshit

2009-10-11T12:36:00.002+08:00

don't know what to do anymore

have been hearing stories and opinions from others and my thoughts are wavering..

used to be so sure of what i want to do, but i'm losing it. this feeling sucks and it makes me feel like i have made a major mistake in my choice.

i find myself spending more and more time thinking about alternative routes.. but so far, none of them are ideal enough. everything that i've anticipated seem so bleak, it's making me worried sick.

what i want might be what i like;

but what i need might not be what i like;

and what i like might not be what suits me best.

do i make sense at all?

2009-10-04T23:23:00.002+08:00

最近的心情极度的不好

nothing seems to be going smoothly and i feel shittier than ever

WTH

2009-09-22T23:45:00.003+08:00

EXHAUSTED.

i don't know how long i can last. i can already sense some changes in my body hinting me to slow down.

feel like giving up on everything i'm doing now...

no idea why i'm working so hard. for who and for what. i always keep myself going by reminding myself the goals and aims i want to achieve. but this time round, i failed to convince myself. like my goal isn't enough as a motivation for me to just drive on.

can't wait for recess week to come. and of cos.. the end of my shl exam.

after so long... my favourite remains the same (:

2009-09-14T18:17:00.003+08:00

felt really sleepy and cold in class today. kept dozing off and i didn't absorb anything at all. smth's wrong with me physically.. don't usually feel so cold in class. not unless it rains.

was complaining to yj abt my sleepiness and chilly feeling and she asked to look at my tongue. she told me that it's not my normal tongue colour. i got a shock, took a look at it and got a bigger shock. so pale... (my tongue is usually redder esp at the tip) so i asked to see yj's tongue for comparison. her tongue is no better! haha i think we are all too 'xu'. sleeping too late at night i guess.

had a funny experience on the train today.
was napping with yj as usual on our long ride home from jurong east. and suddenly i thot i heard a boy singing westlife's graetest hit - my love. at first i thot i might be just dreaming but the voice got too clear to be just a dream. i opened my eyes and YES it was someone singing the song out LOUD. it was LOUD. like audible within the whole cabin. everyone ard was staring at him but he didn't give a hoot abt it. it was seriously hilarious because the man sang as if he was alone in the bathroom. he wasn't really in tune.. but that wasn't the funny part. it was the way he seemed so serious when he's singing.. closing his eyes, swaying etc etc. haha. yj and i couldn't stop giggling. 2 girls sitting opposite us were laughing out loud as well. my god... i bet the ppl who sat next to him must have tried their hardest to stop themselves from laughing.
but he's a nice man... this lady with her baby boarded the train and he let up his seat for them. the baby was crying so hard it kinda got on my nerve.

anw, because of this guy and the crying baby, i couldn't get my proper nap on the train.
but thanks to him, i had quite an enjoyable ride home today.

i guess it's a good thing to not plug in everytime i take the train. i would have totally missed this incident if i had chosen to listen to my ipod. (:

2009-09-11T00:58:00.002+08:00

WHATEVAAA :D

hahaha. stupid things done in school just to pass time

2009-09-09T22:49:00.010+08:00

husband and wife :D
HAHAHAHA

2009-09-05T23:46:00.006+08:00

INTRODUCING MY NEW CAMERA
TA-DA!
Saumsung WB550.

I didn't plan to get this at all. was considering between Canon Powershot SX200 IS and Panasonic TZ7 but the Canon one wasn't available and the guy gave me a super good deal which i couldn't bring myself to reject. (:

So i tested out my camera at my niece's birthday just now.. so far so good!

still trying to figure out how to make full use of the camera's function.
yeaaa

2009-09-02T22:29:00.003+08:00

had a school excursion to bukit timah nature reserve yesterday. have not been there for a long long time. it was fun. i actually enjoyed it quite alot. (despite the fact that my mind was very occupied with the struggle to complete my revision for my test today) super tempted to go back there again this weekend just to smell the forest. i love the smell of the forest (:
if not for the wet weather, the rush to go home to study and the field trip report that must be submitted in a week's time, i would have enjoyed the excursion better. and maybe i would have stayed there longer so that the guide can tell and show us more wonders of the nature.

nature is just amazing. how living things adapt to their surroundings to ensure their own survival. some do it smart, some do it clumpsily, some do it at the cost of others, some do it so that others benefit as well.

i hate mugging

and life's too short to be wasted.

2009-08-25T21:32:00.007+08:00

last week was an exciting one with two especially memorable events - consulting master khor and celebrating B day.

heard some interesting views and pointers from the master. i was told some things that i didn't realise were part of me. which makes me wonder whether i really know myself that well.

and hanging out with bffs made a good blasting and unforgettable end to my week. the party at orchard hotel was a high (: we nearly burnt the cake down and set off the fire alarm! smoked up the whole room with the special candles we bought to trick our birthday girl. had a very long laughing fit. the cake was delicious still! and we had our camwhore sessions without fail. polaroids! all of us were aching all over after the long hours of wii-ing. i was reminded of our good old days spent in chalets and i miss it.
(we should have one but of a higher class when our pockets are more full :D okayyyys?)

it felt like school has only just started and i have a test next week alr ):
pretty upset with the school's new adminstrative team. they hardly care about the student's welfare. even if they do, they aren't doing it the right way. i guess there's just not enough communications done between the school and us. most of the decisions were made before we know about it and so far none of them were even satisfactory.

haiss i need more motivation to study

2009-08-21T00:15:00.002+08:00

what's wrong with cai fan storeholders nowadays?
they are all so irritating and not funny at all. i think they feel that they are very likeable and humourous.

我给你自由为什么我的心却在颤抖

2009-08-15T19:28:00.002+08:00

i cannot decide which elective to take...

好想离开你左右

2009-08-01T01:51:00.007+08:00

celebrated yangthong's belated birthday with the rammers yesterday at this safra game place. wii is really fun! love raving rabbits and guitar hero. but i think i'll prefer rock band. haha. we stoned alot while thinking of what else to do and where else to go and we ended up at mind cafe playing games.

jolyn and eve trying to poke me with drumsticks.

went to novena's waraku and udders with ljy and jaypee.
waraku was satisfying cos there was 25% off student promotion. super worth it.
I'm proclaiming my love for CHOYA LIME UMESHU SORBET everywhere. it's extremely tasty and lovely. love at first taste. haha. it's a must try! i'm such a alcoholic, wanted to try the bailey's and bourbon, tira-miss-u and lychee martini ones too. love liqueur flavours. (:
please visit udders for all other great flavours.

we had lots of fun with B today! :D

2009-07-29T22:28:00.003+08:00

i had my very first tuition session as a tutor today! my tutee is a cute lil boy named Adam. primary 2 this year. he isn't coping too well already. seem very lost. even for the basics. can't really read as well. like a simple sentence "The clock is running fast." was tedious for him. sigh. much worst than i thought. but nevertheless, i'll do my very best to help him. and hope he'll do his best in cooperating with me as well.

is tutoring primary school kids like Adam more challenging or secondary school kids? knowledge-wise, definitely secondary school students. but in terms of getting the tutees to understand you fully, i think primary school kids are the troublesome ones. it's like having to put the simplest things across to them in even simpler terms. haha but i do prefer teaching younger kids. can use stickers, stamps to encourage them; draw cute and funny diagrams for them and make things as colourful as i want to! :D
i'm just childish la i admit. hahaha

2009-07-28T16:35:00.005+08:00

OMGOMGOMG
i made a rash decision. and this is what i got...

RAHHHHH ARRRRRGGHHHH ROAARRRRRR ):
I'll need alot of time to get used to my bangs. and i'll need to work hard to keep the curtain closed. (there's this really ugly gap due to my previous parting) my only consolation now is that i still have 2 weeks before school starts?

last week was at SBS FOC 2009 Avenir camp. it was fun watching the freshies having fun while playing the games and activities we planned. i was glad to have worked with a bunch of great ladies and not forgetting 2 guys who most probably felt awkward most of the time having surrounded by so many girls. the 5 days of camp sure was tiring to the core. it was like programmers plus logistics. move things here and there, there and here. i complained alot. hahaha cos i felt like we weren't supposed to be the ones shifting things ard.
but anyway, THREE CHEERS FOR RAMMERS! (: i think we did a great job (esp my around NTU group! we believe in short, sweet and simple games hahaha)

and then, went prawning with TCM ladies on sunday. we behaved like we were stupid bimbos who who didn't dare to deal with live prawns but still wanna prawn. everytime we caught one, we made so much noise i think we really got ourselves alot of attention. haha totally hilarious. it was really fun and challenging trying to get the prawns hooked. YJ and Cali and Ali are definitely the pros. (:

hais i miss my long hair and fringe already T-T

2009-07-17T23:19:00.001+08:00

DURIAN DESSERT BUFFET IS FATTENING AND SINFUL AND REALLY REALLY FILLING.
D:

2009-07-13T01:00:00.001+08:00

And so it goes
In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

i really like this song!